washing the blood off my hands

me [10:30 AM]
Butter makes the most unholy noises sometimes XD

Marie [10:30 AM]
haha what?
HOOOLL
Y BUTTER

me [10:30 AM]
[Roommate] is getting him to talk in the kitchen XD
XDD

Marie [10:30 AM]
YOU'VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONG IN THE

me [10:30 AM]
AWOAAAAORR

Marie [10:30 AM]
idk what to even follow that with XD

marie: "Catch a marlin from a kayak" ISN'T A MARLIN THE SIZE OF A KAYAK
isn't a marlin basically a kayak with a sword and a face?

me [3:59 PM]
....yes
basically

marie [3:59 PM]
i'm dubious of this plan

me [3:59 PM]
no see
you catch the marlin
and then you HOLLOW IT OUT
and have a FISH KAYAK
with a sword and a face

marie [3:59 PM]
that sounds smelly and wet

me [3:59 PM]
yes, and full of blood
and likely to get you pursued and eaten by sharks
probably also not super buoyant

marie [4:00 PM]
this is the worst kayak design

delia [11:58 AM]
I've had Larger Than Life by Backstreet Boys stuck in my head all day and I have no idea why


marie [11:59 AM]
theres an article called bigger than life on the board

delia [11:59 AM]
there we go

"Whenever I'm sitting here & there's a cat there at the other end of the table, I feel like I'm at one of those long dinner table having slightly-uncivil conversation with my estranged Victorian husband." --Marie

marie
[8:54 AM]
i feel like that little bouncy ball guy is what would happen if you smashed both of us together

me
[8:55 AM]
heee it's true

marie [8:55 AM]
it's like captain planet, but useless

me [8:55 AM]
full of anxiou--XD

marie
[8:55 AM]
WITH OUR POWERS COMBINED--

me [8:55 AM]
that should be our bio for MM and/or borg tailor

marie
[8:55 AM]
beep boop beep boop beep boop
"God damnit."

me
[8:56 AM]
.....I actually said that aloud like right as you typed it

me [10:58 AM]
when's he starting?

marie [10:58 AM]
"soon"
[10:58]
[sends me a creepy af robot gif]

marie [10:58 AM]
farzad seems less creepy than that robot

me [10:58 AM]
I hope so
[10:59]
there is room for only one creepy robot in this company

[a few more moments of giphying 'creepy robot']

me [10:59 AM]
...how have we never giphyed this before??

marie [10:59 AM]
why are they both children???

me [10:59 AM]
because children are terrifying

marie [10:59 AM]
we have a lot of questions





marie [11:04 AM]
These buns are packed with candied fruit and sweet spices and marked with a cross to reflect the Crucifixion. They were banned from sale in Elizabethan England on any day except Good Friday because they are so indulgent.
[11:04]
CHRISTIANITY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE TO ME
[11:04]
HAY JUDY

me [11:05 AM]
god dammit XD
[11:05]
....literally

marie [11:05 AM]
COME OVER FOR THE SINFULLY INDULGENT DESSERT I MADE TO COMMEMORATE THE HORRIFIC UNJUST EXECUTION OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR
[11:05]
OH MAVIS THOSE ARE SO CUTE
[11:05]
I LOVE HOW YOU DEPICTED THE MURDER WEAPON ON THEM
[11:05]
wtf??

marie [11:06 AM]
NOTHING MAKES ME THING JESUS DIED FOR OUR SINS LIKE EATING SOME CANDIED ROLLS
[11:07 AM]
SHAME WE CAN ONLY HAVE THIS SPECIAL TREAT ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE NIGHT JESUS CHRIST WAS BETRAYED
[11:08]
YEAH I COULD BETRAY JESUS EVERY DAY TO HAVE THESE FOR BREAKFAST
[11:08]
ok i'm done

crows [7:11 PM]
i want to go trick or treating as a scrambler

alliasphere [7:12 PM]
D you can't drive the entire neighborhood mad

crows [7:12 PM]
but the trick is you think it's a fucked up octopus and then you lose your mind a little

Marie: Why are you not playing this right now?
Brooke: Because I'm knitting and listening to horror?
Marie: But you could be playing Sushi Cat and wasting your life!

Brooke: L, I want to live in a castle.

Narrator of the TV show we're watching about castles: It takes a certain type of person to want to live in a castle.

Me: This TV show is judging you.

Me [2:16 PM]
"What Doctors Tell Their Friends About Men"
Ask your doctor if men is right for you!

alex [2:17 PM]
XD

marie [2:18 PM]
Please consult your physician before starting to use men

alex [2:18 PM]
Side effects include pregnancy, mainsplaining, and exasperation.

marie [2:18 PM]
Serious and life threatening complications have occurred

Me [2:19 PM]
One man may not produce continuous beneficial effects for the rest of your life. Consult a physician if your prescription ceases to work for you.

marie [2:19 PM]
Please discontinue use and consult a physician immediately if you develop a sudden drop in bloodpressure, shortness of breath, muscle pain with weakness, blurry vision, dizziness, or fever.

alex [2:19 PM]
So ask your doctor if you experience a driving urge to apologize for yourself or throw your man out a window.

marie [2:20 PM]
Do not use if you have ever experienced an allergic reaction to men.

alex[2:21 PM]
[image of smiling couples in bathtubs goes here]

Me [2:21 PM]
Or in bed. Or by a fireplace

alex[2:21 PM]
Or a montage

marie[2:21 PM]
http://previews.123rf.com/images/imagerymajestic/imagerymajestic0910/imagerymajestic091000100/5674065-Smiling-young-couple-in-bath-Stock-Photo-sexy.jpg (98KB)

Me [2:21 PM]
gdi not while I’m drinking!

marie[2:22 PM]
using men while drinking is just fine!

alex[2:22 PM]
“No honey both of those glasses are mine.:

marie[2:22 PM]
look at the advert!

Me [2:22 PM]
….using large amounts of alcohol in conjunction with men is not recommended.

marie[2:22 PM]
XD
use caution while driving or operating heavy machinery with men

Me [2:23 PM]
even if you have experienced no previous negative side effects, please exercise caution when using any mind-altering substance while you are also using men