on necessary armaments

Brooke, watching some zombie TV: Why do you just have an axe lying around in your kitchen?
Me, not paying attention to zombie TV: Why don't we have an axe in our kitchen?
Brooke: That is a fair point.

Brooke: People thinks cars are a lot more durable than they really are. Like, that's one reason why I want an FJ Cruiser, 'cause it's a lot more durable. I mean, not run-over-all-the-dead-bodies durable, but...

on non-consensual water sports

Brooke: If anyone pees on me, I will rip their dick off.
Marie: What if they don't have a dick, Brooke? What then?
Brooke: Then...things will get a little more...intrusive.