auto_destruct: a woman fleeing from bees w/text: "BEES. MY GOD." (bees.  my god.)
marie
[8:54 AM]
i feel like that little bouncy ball guy is what would happen if you smashed both of us together

me
[8:55 AM]
heee it's true

marie [8:55 AM]
it's like captain planet, but useless

me [8:55 AM]
full of anxiou--XD

marie
[8:55 AM]
WITH OUR POWERS COMBINED--

me [8:55 AM]
that should be our bio for MM and/or borg tailor

marie
[8:55 AM]
beep boop beep boop beep boop
"God damnit."

me
[8:56 AM]
.....I actually said that aloud like right as you typed it
auto_destruct: a pepto-bismal-colored cat grinning eagerly and with many sharp teeth (motivational face)
crows [6:54 PM]
sometimes i just realize

[6:54]
i'm just such a bitch
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
me [10:58 AM]
when's he starting?

marie [10:58 AM]
"soon"
[10:58]
[sends me a creepy af robot gif]

marie [10:58 AM]
farzad seems less creepy than that robot

me [10:58 AM]
I hope so
[10:59]
there is room for only one creepy robot in this company

[a few more moments of giphying 'creepy robot']

me [10:59 AM]
...how have we never giphyed this before??

marie [10:59 AM]
why are they both children???

me [10:59 AM]
because children are terrifying

marie [10:59 AM]
we have a lot of questions





marie [11:04 AM]
These buns are packed with candied fruit and sweet spices and marked with a cross to reflect the Crucifixion. They were banned from sale in Elizabethan England on any day except Good Friday because they are so indulgent.
[11:04]
CHRISTIANITY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE TO ME
[11:04]
HAY JUDY

me [11:05 AM]
god dammit XD
[11:05]
....literally

marie [11:05 AM]
COME OVER FOR THE SINFULLY INDULGENT DESSERT I MADE TO COMMEMORATE THE HORRIFIC UNJUST EXECUTION OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR
[11:05]
OH MAVIS THOSE ARE SO CUTE
[11:05]
I LOVE HOW YOU DEPICTED THE MURDER WEAPON ON THEM
[11:05]
wtf??

marie [11:06 AM]
NOTHING MAKES ME THING JESUS DIED FOR OUR SINS LIKE EATING SOME CANDIED ROLLS
[11:07 AM]
SHAME WE CAN ONLY HAVE THIS SPECIAL TREAT ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE NIGHT JESUS CHRIST WAS BETRAYED
[11:08]
YEAH I COULD BETRAY JESUS EVERY DAY TO HAVE THESE FOR BREAKFAST
[11:08]
ok i'm done
auto_destruct: text: "you wouldn't download a bear" on black background with small bear in corner (you wouldn't download a BEAR)
[me:] Why I am saying it to you idk. bc i'm a dick or something.

squeem [5:04 PM]
XD XD

it is because we are dick friends

..........ew

Let’s forget I said that
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (robot face monster grin)
crows [7:11 PM]
i want to go trick or treating as a scrambler

alliasphere [7:12 PM]
D you can't drive the entire neighborhood mad

crows [7:12 PM]
but the trick is you think it's a fucked up octopus and then you lose your mind a little

on dating

Dec. 14th, 2016 09:02 pm
auto_destruct: a gas mask with neon green filters and plants coming out of it (gasmask)
Brooke: I just get so anxious! Like, what if I go on a date and just forget how to walk?
Me: Then you look at them and say "Sorry, it's been awhile since I've inhabited a body."
Brooke: And they're like "...what?"
Me: "You heard me."
Brooke: "Did I fucking stutter?"


"Oh my fucking god. There are crumbs everywhere. All the fuck over my keyboard. Welp, time to pick them up one by one with spit-fingers." *a few minutes pass* "Oh my god. Mmmlllghh. Bllhh! Nope, not doing that anymore. There was so much cat hair in my fucking keyboard." -- Brooke, on eating and computering simultaneously


Netflix nature documentary: This highly-successful shark [eats some shit].
Me, deadpan: He's also the CEO of the ocean.
Brooke: ...
Me: What? He's highly successful!


"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour MY FACE!" -- me, being a cuttlefish eating another fish.

"I feel like 'Hey, you wanna go to a parallel universe?' is not good first date material." -- me

Nature Doc Narrator: swimming forever, in the endless blue.
Me: It's not endless! The oceans are finite!
Brooke: Your mom isn't endless.
Me: GOOD.
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Marie: Why are you not playing this right now?
Brooke: Because I'm knitting and listening to horror?
Marie: But you could be playing Sushi Cat and wasting your life!
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Brooke: Fine, don't have any milk! I'm so upset with you!
Me: Are you playing Stardew Valley?
Brooke: No.
Me: ...
Brooke: CHICKENS! WHY NO EGGS, BAWKERINA?!
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Brooke: L, I want to live in a castle.

Narrator of the TV show we're watching about castles: It takes a certain type of person to want to live in a castle.

Me: This TV show is judging you.

on donkeys

Jun. 2nd, 2016 10:04 am
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
marie[10:03 AM]
right don’t you want like six?

me [10:03 AM]
no
they are kinda mean
aren’t they?

alex[10:03 AM]
Donkeys, men, or Catholics?

me [10:03 AM]
…donkeys
I know about men and Catholics
auto_destruct: a woman fleeing from bees w/text: "BEES. MY GOD." (bees.  my god.)
Me [2:16 PM]
"What Doctors Tell Their Friends About Men"
Ask your doctor if men is right for you!

alex [2:17 PM]
XD

marie [2:18 PM]
Please consult your physician before starting to use men

alex [2:18 PM]
Side effects include pregnancy, mainsplaining, and exasperation.

marie [2:18 PM]
Serious and life threatening complications have occurred

Me [2:19 PM]
One man may not produce continuous beneficial effects for the rest of your life. Consult a physician if your prescription ceases to work for you.

marie [2:19 PM]
Please discontinue use and consult a physician immediately if you develop a sudden drop in bloodpressure, shortness of breath, muscle pain with weakness, blurry vision, dizziness, or fever.

alex [2:19 PM]
So ask your doctor if you experience a driving urge to apologize for yourself or throw your man out a window.

marie [2:20 PM]
Do not use if you have ever experienced an allergic reaction to men.

alex[2:21 PM]
[image of smiling couples in bathtubs goes here]

Me [2:21 PM]
Or in bed. Or by a fireplace

alex[2:21 PM]
Or a montage

marie[2:21 PM]
http://previews.123rf.com/images/imagerymajestic/imagerymajestic0910/imagerymajestic091000100/5674065-Smiling-young-couple-in-bath-Stock-Photo-sexy.jpg (98KB)

Me [2:21 PM]
gdi not while I’m drinking!

marie[2:22 PM]
using men while drinking is just fine!

alex[2:22 PM]
“No honey both of those glasses are mine.:

marie[2:22 PM]
look at the advert!

Me [2:22 PM]
….using large amounts of alcohol in conjunction with men is not recommended.

marie[2:22 PM]
XD
use caution while driving or operating heavy machinery with men

Me [2:23 PM]
even if you have experienced no previous negative side effects, please exercise caution when using any mind-altering substance while you are also using men
auto_destruct: a long-eared elf with dark hair facepalming in exasperation (this is all total bullshit)
Brooke: Feel the powah...of the showah!
Me: Oh my god
Brooke: I'm sorry. ...Not that sorry.
Me: You're not even a little sorry.
Brooke: No, not really.
auto_destruct: drawing of a man with shoulder-length hair looking dubious (o___O)
Me [12:22]
“you see, I’ve been very uh, lonely in my indecipherable tower of mistakes” <— a sample from this song

marie [12:22 PM]
Ok rory.

me [12:22 PM]
haha!

marie [12:22 PM]
I’m sure you have

me [12:22 PM]
actually he’s not as a general rule.
rory is a bad introvert
he has too many friends

marie [12:22 PM]
Maybe you could fix that by keeping A: your foot and B: anyone else’s dick out of your mouth
auto_destruct: a woman fleeing from bees w/text: "BEES. MY GOD." (bees.  my god.)
Brooke, reading the internet: But is it really living 'tiny and simply' if you have an entire village of tiny houses?
Me: Yes?
Brooke: ...to yourself?
Me: No.

Also, from earlier, talking about fuckboys:

Me: But Brooke, he's such a Nice Guy!
Brooke, deadpan: I'll rip his dick off.
auto_destruct: a woman fleeing from bees w/text: "BEES. MY GOD." (bees.  my god.)
Thief: WHY IS MAX MAD? MAX LIVES IN A DYSTOPIAN WASTELAND
Squeem: XDDD
Squeem: I really fucking want that as a children’s comic
Squeem: and or book
Squeem: WHY IS MAX MAD?
Squeem: MAX LIVES IN A DYSTOPIAN WASTELAND
Squeem: MAX IS MADE BECAUSE HE IS TIED TO A SPEEDING CAR
Squeem: *MAD
Squeem: WHO IS THIS?
Thief: MAX IS MAD BECAUSE THE WARBOY IS STEALING HIS CAR AND HIS BLOOD
Squeem: FURIOSA
Thief: oh my GOD
Squeem: FURIOSA IS ANGRY
Squeem: WHY IS FURIOSA ANGRY?
Thief: FURIOSA IS FURIOUS
Squeem: yessssss
Thief: FURIOSA IS MAD AT HOW IMMORTAN JOE TREATS HIS WIVES AND THE WORLD
Squeem: yesssss
Squeem: FURIOSA IS HELPING THEM ESCAPE
Squeem: *shot of her tearing through the desert in her rig, determined furious look on her face*
Squeem: like
Squeem: this would be fucking amazing
Thief: FURIOSA DRIVES A WAR RIG. IT IS BIGGER THAN MAX'S CAR.
Thief: MAX IS NOT VERY MAD ABOUT THAT.
Squeem: YESSSS
Squeem: oh my god I need this in my life
Thief: THIS IS NUX. NUX SUCKS.
Squeem: hahahaha
Squeem: NUX DOES NOT THINK HE SUCKS
Squeem: BUT HE DOES.
Thief: NUX THINKS HE IS AWAITED
Thief: AWAITED WHERE? WHY, VALHALLA OF COURSE.
Thief: IMMORTAN JOE TOLD HIM SO
Thief: VALHALLA IS SHINY AND CHROME
auto_destruct: text: "you wouldn't download a bear" on black background with small bear in corner (you wouldn't download a BEAR)
Brooke: *goes to bed*
Brooke: *comes back out a couple minutes later, sits down, opens computer back up*
Me: ....
Brooke: I don't know why I'm compulsively back out here.
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Brooke: *come out of their room to say one last thing on the conversation we were having*
Meemo: *walks up and squeaks quietly*
Brooke: What? Are you saying I need to get my ass to bed?
Meemo: MRI-AAA!

on hygiene

Dec. 7th, 2015 09:37 pm
auto_destruct: a long-eared elf with dark hair facepalming in exasperation (this is all total bullshit)
Brooke: Do you ever have those moments when you're sitting there and you realize you haven't showered in awhile.
Me: Yup.
Brooke: And you can't remember the last time you showered.
Me: Mmmmhm.
Brooke: And then you're like, I need to take a shower.
Me: Yeah. We're gross.
auto_destruct: drawing of a man with shoulder-length hair looking dubious (o___O)
Thief: hmmmm I iwll have to look again when I have stuff. uh. my netbook. open.
Thief: that
Squeem: it used to be on… my… thing.
auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Lysander: Beasting (pr BEEsting with that emphasis), LysanDERcat

Khan: Toastface Killah

Profile

auto_destruct: girl w/blue hair wearing a respirator with a toothy grin on it against a colorful background. (Default)
Thief

June 2017

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